


oh, how I lost my senses

by iamjustakiddo



Series: digging for purple matter [1]
Category: YYY มันส์เว่อร์นะ | YYY The Series (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Falling In Love, Identity Issues, M/M, Pre-Relationship, because he did not get the chance to explore before he left home, spoiler alert this is about pun's gay awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25379491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamjustakiddo/pseuds/iamjustakiddo
Summary: Pun always watches, and Nott always wonders, tip-toeing around the vast possibilities they could explore together.
Relationships: Nott/Pun (YYY The Series)
Series: digging for purple matter [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837924
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	oh, how I lost my senses

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back again, who would've known. I started a series for this, cause who knows if I will get back to these two, especially with the knowledge that YYY got its 2nd season confirmed (wohoo, pray for nottpun).  
> Time-wise, his happens before the whole issue with Arm and everything that follows after. 
> 
> Title taken from Adore by Phum Viphurit, because how fitting. Please go listen to all his songs, thank you. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Pun was all curious eyes and lingering glances. It was almost inviting, in the way he tilted his head sometimes. 

Admittedly, Nott liked to test the waters a bit. Somehow, he did not mind when Pun watched him with his heavy gaze, as if trying to figure out the mechanics of his body or discern the realness that made Nott  _ Nott _ . His neck heated up a bit each time, but for some reason he did not mind the surveillance that would’ve been uncomfortable coming from someone else. 

Suddenly, it made him aware of his own heartbeat and the air circulating through his lungs. Did he leave some toothpaste on the corner of his mouth? Or was it time to shave again? Pun’s gaze liked to flicker down a bit, often straying. Never before had Nott been this aware of the tank-tops he wore before his current roommate had entered his life. 

With odd patient pleasure, Nott let him observe and basked in his attention. Until Pun ripped his wide eyes away, with shyness tugging on his features, but not entirely hiding. 

It was hard to foresee how he would react to being caught - would he bite a snarky remark or recoil shily? Or would he pull closer instead with restraint intrigue shining behind his gaze? Sometimes he licked his lips and Nott wondered what he was thinking about. He even asked from time to time, just to mess with him, just to see the lively flash in his eyes. 

“Is your boyfriend pretty?” 

Or

“Are you searching for something?” 

Or sometimes when he was feeling particularly brave: 

“Do you like what you see?” 

That one somehow felt particularly risky, and judging from the reaction that he got out of Pun, he was right about it. Even if his roommate raised his eyebrows challengingly, the faint blush on his cheeks did not escape him. His own heart joined the betrayal, skipping peculiarly. 

Then they went back to their own things as if nothing had happened; but truly, the universe had shifted just a tiny bit off its hinges, a few degrees askew on its axis, and Nott felt its pull in his bones like tidal waves. Blood thrumming in his veins forcefully while he tried to steer all his attention to whatever project at hand. Desperately tried to ignore Pun wandering through the room, cleaning this and folding that, or typing away on his phone. The universe would not fall back to its rightful place. 

Unfortunately, Pun did not watch only him - a fact that for some reason irked Nott more than he wanted to admit. 

When Porpla made one of her flashy appearances and filled the room with voices and glitter or gave them heart attacks by teleporting right behind them - no matter how much confusion and irritation showed on Pun’s face, there was always a sliver of awe too. Almost adoration in fact, shining through in more quieter moments. 

This, Nott could live with. He too, had fallen under Porpla’s spell many times before; and if Pun side-eyed Grab and Chino during their lascivious shenanigans in the laundry room, he could accept that too. Sometimes he too was curious, but he would never admit it. Hell, even the strange biting glances his roommate threw at Arm did not throw him off, even if he understood those the least. 

The matter of Pao on the other hand, was laced with silent frustration. That one time when he had been brave enough to ask about their relationship, he had gotten the answer he had wished for. They moved on, the weeks passed, and Nott tried desperately not to think about it. 

And then he went online to see the photos. Hands curling around waists, lips a mere breath away from smooth skin, and hungry eyes locked in intimate moments. Nott selfishly wanted Pun to look at no one else but himself. Like this, all heavy and deep and aching. 

Either Pun was a great actor, or Nott simply wasn’t the only one that caught his attention like this. He tried not to ponder it too much.

  
  


“Do you miss home?” 

It was a bright night and the city vibrated with energy below them. All the yellows and pinks and blues reflected in Pun’s eyes, but his gaze was turned upwards, towards the stars that were outshined by the city. A heavy emptiness lingered around him, filling the rooftop.

“I don’t know,” Pun answered, shifting lightly when Nott stepped beside him to the railing. 

Cars roared and sirens howled, disrupting the silence that followed. He watched the blinking towers in front of them, the airplanes passing overhead, and the taillights gleaming like red ants far down on the streets, but nothing held his attention for long enough. 

Not when Pun watched the sky that matched his dark eyes, with his lips slightly parted and skin drenched in purple shadows. A steady hum spread in Nott’s veins when he realised he wanted to trace it.

“I was wondering, because I was not sure if you felt at home here, even a little bit,” he continued when the silence stretched even longer and tore on his nerves. 

Pun’s gaze briefly flickered towards him before straying again. 

“I do,” he said with a tiny thoughtful frown. “I mean - it’s chaos. I have no peace. The infrastructure keeps breaking down. It’s fucking  _ noisy  _ -” 

“Alright,” Nott butted in, mildly affronted. 

To his wonder, Pun’s lips twitched fondly. “But I feel free, kind of. I’ve never had so much time for myself when I was still at home. It’s weird. Being with myself.” 

A sigh escaped Pun’s lips and he finally averted his eyes from the night-sky. He leaned heavily against the railing, feathery hair falling into his forehead. Nott’s fingers itched. 

“I hope you like your own company then,” he said.

His heart somersaulted when Pun looked up, capturing him with that curious gaze again, the one that pinned him to the spot. 

“Yeah,” Pun answered absentmindedly. 

He was still watching him as he brushed soft hair from his cheek and suddenly Nott felt very strange. Like the building could tumble and tilt, throwing him down a spiral into that neon-sea below them. As if gravitation was just choosing to give up on him and send him on an aimless journey. 

Nott took a deep steadying breath. 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” He paused briefly. Pun raised his eyebrows. “Or boyfriend?” 

For a few seconds, his roommate’s eyes inspected him with an unreadable expression before he frowned. 

“Well, you,” Pun said, tilting his chin upwards slightly. 

A startled laugh broke from his chest and Nott shook his head quickly, punching Pun’s arm lightly. His roommate’s lips broke into a blinding smile and looking so soft in his stupidly striped sweater, suddenly Nott wanted nothing more than to gather him in his arms and not let go.

“You know what I mean. Pao doesn’t count either.” 

“Why are you asking?” 

“Just curious. You said you didn’t have much space with your parents so - “ 

“No,” Pun said firmly and turned away again, the smile fading from his lips. Nott instantly missed his attention like the summer sun in winter. 

Lonely, he realised. That was the ache he felt deeply rooted in his chest, the one that came alive when Pun’s eyes turned to him. Bottomless and deep and somehow so lost. Like a satellite, fallen off its orbit. 

_ I didn’t have the chance to know myself, or to dream. _

It was no surprise Pun’s eyes were so hungry, always searching, always  _ needing.  _ Nott wished he had something to offer, wished he could chip off a piece of his own fractured dream and give it to him. 

“That’s fine,” Nott answered at last. “I haven’t had one proper either.” 

Pun glanced at him, mildly surprised, and for some reason he almost felt pleased about it.

“Are you surprised?” He smiled widely when Pun huffed.

“No,” he said stubbornly, watching the blinking lights of the city for a change. “Someone snoring the way you do and walking around with a screw-driver shoved down his pants - I’m not surprised.”

“Yeah true, I would not even be able to keep a roommate like this, you are right. How could I forget.” 

Nott’s heart pounded against his ribcage. The spinning had not stopped, but now it was joined by something light, bubbling with his laughter. Pun’s lips twitched, shining dark purple.

“Don’t think I won’t move out if you push it too far,” Pun pointed an accusing finger at him and Nott grabbed it quickly, encasing his hand with his own.

A thrill shot down his spine when he pulled Pun closer. For a moment their bodies were pressed together warmly as they stood frozen, not pulling away. Nott smiled under Pun’s wide-eyed gaze that did not waver this time. It could devour him, he realised suddenly. 

For this moment, he had his gaze for himself, while the city blended away into the night-sky as he fell off the world. 

.

**Author's Note:**

> Half-way through writing this I realised this is just me fawning over Lay Talay's beautiful, beautiful eyes, and his beautiful, beautiful stupid face. Nott agrees tho, Pun is breathtaking. Big sigh.  
> I wanted to write about Pun's exploration of sexuality and his search for identity, somehow this turned out slightly different? I hope you could still see the intentions I had behind it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and since there is not much out there, please feel free to sob with me. <3


End file.
